this is me

Jan. 5th, 2011 02:27 am
ga_in: (aoi ♥ vampiric)
[personal profile] ga_in


This is me. I was pondering on whether or not I should post a picture of myself, but at the end I gave in. I would like for you all to see who I really am. Trust me, I am not the scary person I seem to be. I'm actually a very nice girl and I love to meet new people, make new friends and such. I was also thinking of whether or not I should admit that I am indeed married. I don't live with my husband anymore. We've been separated for 3 years, but we do keep in touch, as friends and nothing more. I still love him, and I know he loves me. We've always gotten along well, never had serious problems with our relationship, but it's funny how sometimes the most perfect things don't work out well.

His name is Michael, he is 10 years older then me (makes him 33), German-American, and a lovely person. He was my first everything, and I do mean everything. I don't ever regret meeting him, or falling in love with him, or marrying him. The only reason things didn't work out was because of the sheer reason that he is 10 years older then me. It's not the age, it's the fact that he is ready to settle down and start a family. I'm not ready for that yet, I'm only 23 and have a bright path ahead of me. I will not be a woman to stay at home, taking care of a child. I need to work. I need to go out and hang out friends. Not that he prohibited this from me, but marriage comes with so much responsibilities, I can't imagine being a parent.

I met Michael when I was very young. I was 16 years old at the time and he was a very close friend of my brother. I can say that it was love at first sight, I don't care if I was too young and naive. And I really don't care if he was too old for me. He was perfect, he was my soul mate. We started dating when I turned 17, and we married when I turned 18 (he was 28). We had an amazing wedding and marriage. We weren't thinking about taking things too serious, we really didn't think about starting a family because we were young and still enjoying life.

Unfortunately, things can't go on like that forever. On the second year of our marriage, Michael wanted to settle down and have a child, I didn't. That's where all of the problems started and well, sadly we decided to end our relationship there. We've been separated for 3 years as I mentioned before. Our split was amicable, and we're still legally married, we decided not to file for divorce. I believe (and so does Michael), that someday our love will reunite us and that we will have a family.

But for now, I'm happy the way I am. I am not in a serious relationship because to me, I will be unfaithful to Michael, even if we have been separated for 3 years. I am bisexual (yes he knew this) and in a happy relationship with a girl (Inna), even if it's an on-off thing. It's more of a fling then anything because she's actually involved with someone else. But with everything that has ever happened, I can honestly say that in my 23 years of life, if I died tomorrow, I can go in peace because I have known love and happiness.
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